The best counseling and family development book ever written is the Holy Bible. For the past decade or so behavioral scientists have been studying the factors that keep couples and families strong. Dr. John Gottman, for example, concludes that unforgiveness, bitterness and contempt are so toxic that few marriages can overcome them. This is no surprise to Christians who know the Bible. We have read about the positive power of mercy, grace, forgiveness and honor.
Gottman has also mentioned that those couples that send signals of blessing, respect, care, nurture and love to loved ones each day will likely have a successful family life. Gottman goes farther and concludes that there is a ratio of success that each of us can rather easily accomplish unless we are fresh out of grace and love. That ratio is 5 to 1.
Galatians 5:22But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, 23Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [[that can bring a charge]. 25If we live by the [Holy] Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit.
Love All the other moral qualities in the list define and flow from love. Joy is the result of healthy relationships. When relationships fall apart because of broken commitments, there is a loss of joy. When there is conflict and bitterness there is no joy. Peace is also the result of relationships built by loving service. Instead of "hatred, discord, . . . dissensions, factions" there is harmony and order in relationships.
Patience is the opposite of "fits of rage" or short temper. It is the quality of staying with people even when constantly wronged and irritated by them. Kindness and goodness are joined with patience to teach that a sweet disposition and doing good toward people (see v. 10) is the way to stay with them in love. Faithfulness is keeping commitments in relationships. Only the Spirit can produce the quality of loyalty no matter the cost. Gentleness is the opposite of selfish ambition is not conceited, provoking and envying each other Self-control is the opposite of self-indulgence. Spirit-led people will not prmote and encourage their sin nature.
On a scale of 0 to 10 with 0 being very poor and 10 being the best possible, where are you on each fruit of the Spirit?
Unconcerned 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Love
Grumpiness 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Joy
Anxiety 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Peace
Easily Upset 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Patience
Legalistic 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Kindness
Stingy 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Goodness
Undependable 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Faithfulness
Ambitious 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Gentleness
Selfishness 0-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 Self-Control
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