Sex and Marriage

I have been a Counselor for many years. there is no more powerful force in marriage and all male female relationships than sex. When sex and romance are confined to marriage it is powerfully good but sex outside marriage is powerfully bad. I wrote on this issue on Brave Heart so you can read my ideas there as well.

Many of my long term couple clients discover deep divisions between them because they had sex before marriage and the wound has never healed. Even if they were not Christians or very moral at the time, sex before marriage is a powerful, long lasting fact.

Jesus taught about building our foundation on rock or sand. Only the house build on rock will sustain the storms of life and believe me marriage must face a lot of storming. Marriages of people who have sex before marriage are less stable and less long lasting than those where people waited to "do it".

Even more threatening to me as a therapist are the unleashing of unbridled passions and sexual desires today. I recently head that the rate of Sexually Transmitted Disease is the highest in this nation in the Villages Retirement City in Florida. Old men and women are hooking up and sharing disease as well as emotional bonding in record numbers.

Young people seem to share sexual organs today like we did baseball cards in our youth. The long term results will be dramatically different for them and their offspring. Just think of the price even such a star as Tiger Woods must pay for hooking up. His kids will very likely grow up in a severely dysfunctional family with shame as a family heritage.

Tiger did not count the cost of there one night stands.

A Woman of Character

When Jenny Sanford, former wife of Governor Mark Sanford, sat down to tell her children about their father's sordid affair, guess what the eldest said. This is story of great wisdom, character and maturity in a wife and of narcissism, immaturity and ego from her husband.

Mark Sanford had all the outward appearances of a Christian man. He talked the walk and led Bible studies for high end couples. He took oaths about being pure and holy but he obviously had a shallow inner life in the Holy Spirit.

Jenny Sanford writes a compelling book about her side of things and it seems to be well done. We need more leaders like her and less like her husband.

The New York Time review of Jenny Sanford's book is wonderful. I want to read the book as well.

Want to Save Money on Taxes?

Gary and Karen have spent 47 years together.

How should policymakers, state legislators, and others respond to the large taxpayer costs of family fragmentation? We note that even very small increases in stable marriage rates as a result of government programs or community efforts to strengthen marriage would result in very large savings for taxpayers. If the federal marriage initiative, for example, succeeds in reducing family fragmentation by just 1 percent, U.S. taxpayers will save an estimated $1.1 billion each and every year.

We can contribute significantly to lower government costs and higher revenues from tax payers by starting a Pre-Marital Preparation Group at our church. We can also help the nation by strengthening family life, especially marriages.

We do not need most therapists but more caring Christians and Pastors who will see that preaching against divorce is half as effective as teaching couples practical way to enjoy their marriages.

Write your Congressman and tell him/her to raise the amount of money given to strengthen marriage and family life.

Adverse Childhood Events and Adult Diseases

Many parents engage in behavior that is harmful to them but they refuse to change because they rebel at the idea that anybody should tell them to do anything. Even positive ideas about their own health turn them off. However, parents will often change their behavior if they are convinced that it is harmful to the Long term welfare of their children.

A few years ago medical researchers in California were trying to figure out why so many of their most successful weight loss clients were dropping out of the programs they entered to lose weight in the first place. Because they had a host of data about the clients' childhood they noted a remarkable correlation between Adverse Childhood Events and Adult obesity. Upon further research they saw an even more striking set of correlations between ACE and Adult Diseases of all sorts.

Perhaps most striking was the stair step correlations between the number of Adverse Childhood Events and the associated Adult Diseases. For example, if a child grew up without a parent in the home due to divorce, crime, death or prison time the child was likely to experience an adult disease. However, if there was alcoholism, drugs, jail time and divorce making the count be four of five Adverse Events the child would be more likely to experience several Adult diseases.

If you want to insure that your child has a healthy future be sure to stay married, stay sober and stay out of jail.

How to Promote Poverty

Many people say they want to promote prosperity and health for all people but they so often pursue practices and perhaps even policies that have the opposite effect. Many people seem to actually promote abject chronic poverty.

In her book about ways to defeat poverty, Ruby Payne, offers several ways to lessen poverty and even break the chains of its long term strangle hold on so many generations of families. Take a look at some insights about the ways poverty affects people. .

•Chronic Dependence-
–Must have support from government, families, churches, etc.
•Chronic Counter-Dependence
–Reject support and rules about prosperity and fights healthy systems
•Chronic Independence-
–Support systems neglected so poor people do not reach out to others

Poor Kids Under Six Year of Age

•In Extreme Poverty
––28% Live with Single Mothers
2% Live with Married Parents
•In Poverty
–9% Live with Married Parents
–49% Live with Single Mother
•In Near Poverty
–14% Live with Married Parents
–59% Live with Single Mother

Single parents are almost always thrust into poverty.

So, if we as a society wish to promote long term poverty all we need to do is promote sex outside of marriage and establish a system that rewards single parenting.

Go to www.garysweeten.com for more data about marriage and family strengths.

New Articles

This is one happy couple after over 45 years. Karen Mayer and Gary Sweeten had their first date on May 6, 1961.

I have added some great new articles on my web site, www.garysweeten.com about how happy marriages make us healthier people. Karen and I will live to be 107 at least.

If you are looking for research and information to make your teaching, preaching and mentoring more lively, take a look at them.

For example, had Web Master Dave Baker upload a fantastic article on the high correlation between stable marriages and healthy lives. Men and women live longer and better as well as happier lives if they have committed, stable marriages. And, marriage is better for us than living together.

I am excited about the two workshops on June 2 and June 9 at Love and Faith Fellowship Church. If you know of other couples who are interested in helping marriages and families have them contact us and we will enroll them asap. The can contact me at gsweeten@lifewaycenters.com

Support for Families

Have you ever wondered if the politicians in Columbus and Washington, D.C. are aware of how many problems parents and families face in today's society? And, if they are aware, do they care or are we on our own?



We constantly hear about the BBBBBBillions of $$$ spent on spinach, a bridge to nowhere in Alaska and other pork, to say nothing about the Pentagon. But families are struggling every single day with divorce, trauma, out of wedlock children with poverty stricken single mothers. Is anybody trying to help us with some small amount of tax monies?

Yes, some people do care and have managed to strengthen families in Ohio. Go to http://www.beechacres.org/main/MarriageEnrichment.aspx and read about the Beech Acres Parenting Center that has received two grants to promote healthy families and committed couples. One of the grants is from Ohio and the other is from the Federal Government.

Beech Acres has a comprehensive set of programs to help parents and children and are managing these grants. Several local agencies develop programs alongside Beech Acres to also offer care, training and support for families.

The Committed Couples Workshops on June 2 and June 9 at Love and Faith Fellowship Church on Hopper Hill Road are being supported by the Federal Grant through Beech Acres. We are looking for 20 faith based groups in Clermont County and 20 faith based groups in Hamilton County to each send one couple to be trained who are already interested and active in helping couples and families increase their commitments to each other.

Funding for this project in Clermont County was partially provided by the Beech Acres Parenting Center & United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Grant: 90-FE-0100. In Hamilton County the funding was partially provided by the Ohio Strengthening Families Collaboration Initiative.

Committed Couples Training
Life Way Ministries
A faith based non profit 501 c 3 charity
11161 Kenwood Road
Cincinnati, 45242
Gary Sweeten, Ed. D.
513-300-5065
www.garysweeten.com
http://committedcouples.blogspot.com
Ron Peake,
513-260-0877

If you are interested in attending or in sending a couple to be trained contact us. Anyone may attend but the grants only cover couples from Clermont and Hamilton Counties

The Beginning of a Great Network for Family Life

Why would the Pastors and Leaders from 15 congregations and para-church groups take their very valuable time to meet on a beautiful day? It must have been an important topic. It was. To plan the June training sessions.

Researchers know that people who pray together stay together at much higher rates than those who do not get involved in church life. Many of the churches represented here already have programs for supporting and blessing couples and kids but they are keen on learning more and better skills. So, they are getting ready for the June 2 and 9 training sessions.

Do you want to be a better help to families? Let me know of your interest.

gsweeten@lifewaycenters.com

Why Commitment?

Question: In this day and time of fluid relationships and a seeming lack of long term loyalties, why are we setting up a blog to focus on "Committed Couples"? Isn't that going to be a tough sell to many people, especially the younger generations?

Answer: Yes, it might be a tough sell.

Question: Then why try to sell it?

Answer: I am a family therapist who sees the wreckage's in the lives of both adults and kids that come from a lack of commitment.

Question: Give me an example or two.

Answer: Gladly. A very high percentage of adult diseases are correlated with the loss of a parent by death, divorce, drugs, imprisonment or mental illness. Highly committed couples manage to stay together and provide a healthier environment for their children, thus reducing diseases in those kids as they age.

Question: What kinds of diseases?

Answer: Not all diseases have been studied but ever one that has been shows a correlation with what is called, Adverse Childhood Events. Diseases related to smoking, alcoholism, drugs have an especially high correlation with the ACE markers.

Question: Is that the primary reason for you to promote Couple Commitment?

Answer: Not the only reason. A lack of Commitment to marriage, for example, tends to lead to almost instant poverty for mothers and their children. If we want to prevent poverty we must increase the percentage of healthy, committed couples.

Question: That is all the time we have. Maybe we can discuss these issues further.

Answer: That is a good idea. Let's return to this important topic later.