The Speaker of the House of Representatives is Nancy Pelosi. Ms. Pelosi is very proud of her Roman Catholic heritage and speaks about it often. In fact, she took the opportunity not long ago to lecture Americans about the fact that the Roman Catholic Church had only recently begun to think abortion was wrong.
Ms. Pelosi has also noted her personal opposition to abortion but, she suggests, is bound to support it because it is in the Constitution of the United States. She, like many of her colleagues, regrets the fact that Roman Catholics must not allow their personal, religious views get in the way of supporting the Constitution.
On her recent trip to Rome and the Vatican, Ms. Pelosi seems to have gotten a personal lecture on Roman Catholic theology from Pope Benedict, a theological expert. According to some reports, he told Ms. Pelosi that under no circumstances was a Roman Catholic politician allowed to promote abortion.
I do not know if Ms. Pelosi, the third person in line for the Presidency after Mr. Obama and Mr. Biden, was able to correct the Pope about the US approach to Catholic theology, but I sure hope so. According to many Catholics, the new Pope is very confused about abortion and actually thinks that babies are alive in the womb.
Way to go Ms. Speaker!
Gary Sweeten
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Ministry Cultural Shock
When I joined the staff at College Hill Church it was quite a big transition. We had been on the campus of University of Cincinnati for five years rubbing elbows and having laid back relationships with a bunch of college kids. Not only did we fit in with the hippies and kids we were deeply involved in the house church commune type movement of the Jesus Revolution.
This made our move to College Hill a huge shift in culture. One of the first meetings we attended was at the home of people who headed a group of young couples called Ceiling Seventy for the combined total of the couples' ages. The carpet was thick and lush, the drapes thick velvet and the decor upper class.
On the way home, we drove in silence back to our little house near U.C. Finally Karen broke in and said wanly, "What have we done? We will never fit into this group." We discussed the fact that for five years we had lived in an open house with dozens of students who hung out with us and played with our kids. Now we felt overwhelmed by the upper class homes of our new friends.
We actually did make that transition over time and stayed on the staff for over sixteen years. We learned to fit in and we loved our friends. They treated us like royalty and we learned so much about church life, leadership, ministry and healthy Christianity. I am very glad we did not bail out but the culture shock was very tough to face and overcome.
Married in Ministry is a difficult challenge. Many couples change churches, locations, cultural expectations and job descriptions many times in a career and each leaving and joining is a challenge. What has been your experience?
Monday, February 16, 2009
Change in Focus
Mary and Joseph, an early couple in ministry together
We have changed the focus of this blog to emphasize the lives of Wives and Husbands in Ministry together. I have asked some couples to write me about the insights, struggles and joys of ministry in a church, para-church or mission agency.
Most of the writers will be Women who are married to Ministers, but some are Ordained. We will keep their identities private so their past and present organizations are not embarrassed.
I hope we can get honest, behind the scenes information about the ways couples handle their private and public lives when they must live in "Glass Houses".
I joined the staff of a very large mega-church in Cincinnati after being in business, school teaching and university administration. Karen and I had two children ages five and two when we left the University to enter the nether world of "Clergy Life". The cultural, social, spiritual and relational changes were like moving to Mars.
I am thankful that out church leaders did not expect my wife to be a free but visible member of the staff who would play the piano, teach Sunday school and attend every service. We grew up in rural churches where all those things were silent but strongly expected values and expectations.
But, make no mistake, despite the grace of our Elders, being in the Professional Ministry is living in the public eye. Our kids were known to everybody and some of the parishioners had unrealistic ideas about how perfect we and they should be as "Spiritual role models".
I am an extrovert with an enormous capacity for public interaction. Karen is a quiet, Introverted woman who loves being alone or with a few friends. We are very different and have very different gifts to boot.
Misunderstandings and confusions are common among the church members and that often results in pain for the family members. Some Elders and Lay Leaders have unrealistic expectations from the Ministry Family/Couple and place enormous pressure on the Pastor to get his wife and family "on board".
We hope you will write your comments and let us know what you think. If you are a Couple in Ministry, you may be interested in blogging with us. Send me a sample of your ideas at gsweeten@cinci.rr.com
Rev. Gary Sweeten, Ed.D.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Want to Save Money on Taxes?
Gary and Karen have spent 47 years together.
How should policymakers, state legislators, and others respond to the large taxpayer costs of family fragmentation? We note that even very small increases in stable marriage rates as a result of government programs or community efforts to strengthen marriage would result in very large savings for taxpayers. If the federal marriage initiative, for example, succeeds in reducing family fragmentation by just 1 percent, U.S. taxpayers will save an estimated $1.1 billion each and every year.
We can contribute significantly to lower government costs and higher revenues from tax payers by starting a Pre-Marital Preparation Group at our church. We can also help the nation by strengthening family life, especially marriages.
We do not need most therapists but more caring Christians and Pastors who will see that preaching against divorce is half as effective as teaching couples practical way to enjoy their marriages.
Write your Congressman and tell him/her to raise the amount of money given to strengthen marriage and family life.
Friday, June 6, 2008
Stop Family Destruction
Why should legislators and policymakers care about marriage? Public debate on marriage in this country has focused on the “social costs” of family fragmentation (that is, divorce and unwed childbearing), and research suggests that these are indeed extensive.
But marriage is more than a moral or social institution; it is also an economic one, a generator of social and human capital, especially when it comes to children.
In this study, we adopt the simplifying and extremely cautious assumption that all of the taxpayer costs of divorce and unmarried childbearing stem from the effects that family fragmentation has on poverty, a causal mechanism that is well-accepted and has been reasonably well-quantified in the literature.Based on the methodology, we estimate that family fragmentation costs U.S. tax-payers at least $112 billion each and every year, or more than $1 trillion each decade.These costs arise from increased taxpayer expenditures for antipoverty, criminal justice, and education programs, and through lower levels of taxes paid by individuals who, as adults, earn less because of reduced opportunities as a result of having been more likely to grow up in poverty.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Even very small increases in stable marriage rates as a result of government programs or community efforts to strengthen marriage would result in very large savings for taxpayers.
If the federal marriage initiative, for example, succeeds in reducing family fragmentation by just 1 percent, U.S. taxpayers will save an estimated $1.1 billion each and every year.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The crisis of family destruction is upon us. If every church in America adopted a small program to support marriages, we could help break the cycle of poverty and increase giving to our own churches.Want to learn how to decrease family break ups? Contact me at gary@sweetenlife.com
But marriage is more than a moral or social institution; it is also an economic one, a generator of social and human capital, especially when it comes to children.
In this study, we adopt the simplifying and extremely cautious assumption that all of the taxpayer costs of divorce and unmarried childbearing stem from the effects that family fragmentation has on poverty, a causal mechanism that is well-accepted and has been reasonably well-quantified in the literature.Based on the methodology, we estimate that family fragmentation costs U.S. tax-payers at least $112 billion each and every year, or more than $1 trillion each decade.These costs arise from increased taxpayer expenditures for antipoverty, criminal justice, and education programs, and through lower levels of taxes paid by individuals who, as adults, earn less because of reduced opportunities as a result of having been more likely to grow up in poverty.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Even very small increases in stable marriage rates as a result of government programs or community efforts to strengthen marriage would result in very large savings for taxpayers.
If the federal marriage initiative, for example, succeeds in reducing family fragmentation by just 1 percent, U.S. taxpayers will save an estimated $1.1 billion each and every year.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The crisis of family destruction is upon us. If every church in America adopted a small program to support marriages, we could help break the cycle of poverty and increase giving to our own churches.Want to learn how to decrease family break ups? Contact me at gary@sweetenlife.com
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Families at Work
The central focus of Sweeten Life Systems is to enhance the relationships of individuals and organizations. It is impossible to have healthy relationships in the office and factory is they are dysfunctional at home.
The Families at Work Institute and has a lot to say to the situation we face today in America. To read the entire report go to: http://familiesandwork.org/site/research/reports/3wbooklet.pdf
Today’s U.S. workforce and workplace are in transition. In Families and Work Institute’s (FWI) nationally representative study of the U.S. workforce, the National Study of the Changing Workforce, we find dramatic
changes over the past 25 years.
changes over the past 25 years.
To begin, the workforce is aging. In 1977, just over a third of the workforce (38%) was over 40-years-old; today, more than half (56%) is (over 40).
Women today play an increasingly vital role, making up nearly half of the
wage and salaried workforce. In addition, work hours for many employees are climbing and jobs have become more hectic and demanding. Life at home has also changed with an increase in the number of dual earner couples in the workplace (from 66% of couples in 1977 to 78% today), which has created pressure among working families.
wage and salaried workforce. In addition, work hours for many employees are climbing and jobs have become more hectic and demanding. Life at home has also changed with an increase in the number of dual earner couples in the workplace (from 66% of couples in 1977 to 78% today), which has created pressure among working families.
It is no wonder that 55 percent of employees feel they don’t have enough time for themselves, 63 percent feel they don’t have enough time for their spouses or partners and 67 percent feel they don’t have enough time for their children.
Repercussions of these trends are being experienced by employers as well. FWI data reveal that 39 percent of employees are not fully engaged in their jobs, 54 percent are less than fully satisfied with their jobs and 38 percent are somewhat or very likely to make a concerted effort to find a new job in the coming year.
Employers are challenged to recruit talent, engage and retain workers, and maximize productivity.
How can employers accomplish their goals and continue the high productivity if families are so stressed that individuals cannot function well? What can we do? It is clear that additional family counseling alone is not enough.
I am a Family Therapist who has spent a great deal of his adult life counseling couples and families. I also founded two counseling centers and one in-patient psychiatric hospital to treat distressed people.
The only answer is for Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) to establish centers that will actually teach people how to develop healthy relationships. We need hundreds of churches in each city that are so concerned about individual children that they equip adults how to be good parents.
I am happy to see "Divorce Recovery" groups springing up in a few of the 5,000 or so congregations in Greater Cincinnati, but that is too late. We know the major causes of divorce and we know how to teach people to avoid one. Why do so few churches and community organizations do anything to prevent divorce?
It is possible to prevent problems. It is also less expensive and less traumatizing to everyone concerned. Why not do it???
Friday, January 18, 2008
Women in Ministry
Support and Training for Wives in Ministry
Over the past 30 years we have ministered to dozens of ministers and their wives on issues of burn out, church conflict, dealing with aggressive members, gossip, rearing children, etc. Leading a ministry is perhaps the most daunting career in life. Now, help is on the way.
Steve Griebling, Family Therapist and international training expert, will provide four Mondays in November for “Survival Skills for Wives in Ministry”.
The sessions will be from 7:00-8:15 February 11, 18, 25 and March 3 at the Life Way Counseling Center Conference Room in Blue Ash. Directions after sign up.
The enrollment is limited to ten women so each person can receive personal attention.
Cost $20.00 per session
Topics
1. How to love people without taking their problems
2. How to minister to distressed minds without losing your own
3. Boundaries as a Minister’s wife
4. Leisure, fun and be relaxation
5. Developing a support system that you can trust
6.
Each attendee will get a copy of Dr. Gary Sweeten’s DVD on the importance of becoming a “Committed Couple”. It can be used as a guide for personal growth or teaching small groups or classes. For questions, contact Steve @ 984-827 or stevegriebling@hotmail.com
Steve is a Senior Trainer with Sweeten Life Systems who has extensive experience around the world.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Capable Women-Bad Decisions
From an article in the Cincinnati Enquirer on January 10, 2008.
...poverty is a significant problem for women and girls in Greater http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080110/EDIT01/801100319/1090
Cincinnati, and there's no sign it's diminishing. The 2007 Ohio Health Issues Poll showed the percentage of women below the poverty line growing from 16 percent to 19 percent while the number of women at upper-income levels dropped from 62 percent to 59 percent in the last two years.
The Women's Fund of the Greater Cincinnati Foundation is in a three-year campaign to reduce the effects of poverty on local females, devoting half a million dollars to the effort. This week, a Macy's Foundation grant and matching donation from the Charlotte Schmidlapp Fund added $50,000 to the fund.
But how exactly do you take on a problem this large and multidimensional, a problem that trips up women at multiple points in their lives, that siphons off their ability to take care of their families or themselves?
The focus, according to the Women's Fund, has got to be boosting earning power. Women don't do well at the game of financial catch-up. Many spend their lives trying to recover from early decisions that limited their earning potential - entering low-paying fields, getting minimal education, having children at an early age, sometimes jumping from job to job because of family needs.
By midlife, these factors may mean a woman has an unimpressive resume or has been tracked into a career path with little advancement potential. And by retirement, many women have no pension and have not built up savings for themselves.
...poverty is a significant problem for women and girls in Greater http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080110/EDIT01/801100319/1090
Cincinnati, and there's no sign it's diminishing. The 2007 Ohio Health Issues Poll showed the percentage of women below the poverty line growing from 16 percent to 19 percent while the number of women at upper-income levels dropped from 62 percent to 59 percent in the last two years.
The Women's Fund of the Greater Cincinnati Foundation is in a three-year campaign to reduce the effects of poverty on local females, devoting half a million dollars to the effort. This week, a Macy's Foundation grant and matching donation from the Charlotte Schmidlapp Fund added $50,000 to the fund.
But how exactly do you take on a problem this large and multidimensional, a problem that trips up women at multiple points in their lives, that siphons off their ability to take care of their families or themselves?
The focus, according to the Women's Fund, has got to be boosting earning power. Women don't do well at the game of financial catch-up. Many spend their lives trying to recover from early decisions that limited their earning potential - entering low-paying fields, getting minimal education, having children at an early age, sometimes jumping from job to job because of family needs.
By midlife, these factors may mean a woman has an unimpressive resume or has been tracked into a career path with little advancement potential. And by retirement, many women have no pension and have not built up savings for themselves.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Anger and Heart Problems
Reuters Updated: March 3, 2006 Research by Timothy Smith, Ph. D. University of Utah
The manner in which husbands and wives argue over such hot-button topics such as money, in-laws, and children, may be a factor in their risk of developing coronary atherosclerosis, or hardening of the arteries of the heart.
In a study of 150 couples, mostly in their 60s, researchers found that women who behaved in a hostile manner during marital disputes were more likely to have atherosclerosis, especially if their husbands were also hostile.
In men, hostility -- their own or their wives -- was not related to atherosclerosis. However, men who behaved in a dominating or controlling manner -- or whose wives behaved in that way -- were more likely to have clogged coronary arteries.
"The only group of men that had very little atherosclerosis were those where both they and their wives were able to talk about a disagreement without being controlling at all," Smith said. "So the absence of a power play in the conversation seemed to be heart protective for men," he concluded.
This study supports a "small but growing body of research that suggests that beyond the health benefits of being married, marital quality seems to make a difference in heart health," Dr. Timothy Smith, a psychologist from the University of Utah noted in an interview with Reuters Health.
My posts here will be few so go to my other blogs for more great stuff
http://garysweetenblogspotcom.blogspot.com
http://seasonedbelievers.blogspot.com
The manner in which husbands and wives argue over such hot-button topics such as money, in-laws, and children, may be a factor in their risk of developing coronary atherosclerosis, or hardening of the arteries of the heart.
In a study of 150 couples, mostly in their 60s, researchers found that women who behaved in a hostile manner during marital disputes were more likely to have atherosclerosis, especially if their husbands were also hostile.
In men, hostility -- their own or their wives -- was not related to atherosclerosis. However, men who behaved in a dominating or controlling manner -- or whose wives behaved in that way -- were more likely to have clogged coronary arteries.
"The only group of men that had very little atherosclerosis were those where both they and their wives were able to talk about a disagreement without being controlling at all," Smith said. "So the absence of a power play in the conversation seemed to be heart protective for men," he concluded.
This study supports a "small but growing body of research that suggests that beyond the health benefits of being married, marital quality seems to make a difference in heart health," Dr. Timothy Smith, a psychologist from the University of Utah noted in an interview with Reuters Health.
My posts here will be few so go to my other blogs for more great stuff
http://garysweetenblogspotcom.blogspot.com
http://seasonedbelievers.blogspot.com
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Family Affair
Take a look at my Seasoned Believers blog for an interesting article from the Wall Street Journal. http://seasonedbelievers.blogspot.com/
How Did It Help You?
I just received a letter from Beech Acres Parenting Center asking for testimonies. They want to know if any of your students have benefited from their training.
One of the hallmarks of good teachers is a feedback system that tries to discern what is working. That leads to this mantra:
If it works, do more of it.
If it does not work, stop it.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I hope our teaching and training couples how to minister to others works. But, if it did not we want to fix it. We need your feedback and feed forward to do better the next time.
Send your comments to me. Dr. Gary Sweeten gsweeten@cinci.rr.com
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Chuch Atttendance Brings Health
What are the deepest beliefs of Americans? According to polls a whopping majority of over 80% of us come from a Christian tradition. About 42% of Americans attend religious/church services weekly. This is far more than those who attend all professional sports in an entire year.
Some 95% of Americans believe in God. In 1985 George Gallup found that 72% stated: "My whole approach to life is based on my religion." We are the most religious western nation by far. This is especially shocking when we realize that the country is divided almost 50/50 in politics. America, for all her weaknesses, is a religious nation. As one wag noted, ”India is the most religious country in the world and Sweden the least. America is a bunch of Indians ruled by Swedes.”
Research shows that 91% of blacks, 93% of Hispanics and 88% of whites report a religious affiliation. Even more startling is the number for attendance: 51% of Blacks, 48% of Hispanics and 43% of Whites attend weekly or more often.
Sixty four percent (64%) of blacks in the national sample were members of religious communities (churches) with 59% of whites and 43% of Hispanics. Participation in religious activities outside weekend services is also high with 47% blacks, 41% whites and 31% Hispanics saying they are in church during the week as well as on Sunday.
(Social Capital http://www.cfsv.org/communitysurvey/results6.html)
In a nation obsessed with racial and cultural diversity the facts about minorities and religious faith have been strangely absent from the dialogue. There is one astounding statistic about African American longevity and church attendance that is rarely if ever mentioned in the debates about faith based organizations and health care. An article by Hummer et al in Demography Journal, 36:273-285 in 1999, Blacks who attend church live much longer than those who do not.
Attendance------------White life expectancy---Black life expectancy
Never-----------------77 Years----------------67 = A 10 year difference
Less than or weekly---80 Years----------------75 = A 5 year difference
Weekly or more-------83 Years----------------80 = A 3 year difference
Whites who attend services more than weekly gain an average of six years in longevity but African Americans who attend services weekly or more gain a whopping 13 years in life expectancy. The difference in longevity is almost eclipsed by church attendance. In fact, attending church more often than weekly raises Blacks life expectancy to that of whites who attend weekly or less.
Some 95% of Americans believe in God. In 1985 George Gallup found that 72% stated: "My whole approach to life is based on my religion." We are the most religious western nation by far. This is especially shocking when we realize that the country is divided almost 50/50 in politics. America, for all her weaknesses, is a religious nation. As one wag noted, ”India is the most religious country in the world and Sweden the least. America is a bunch of Indians ruled by Swedes.”
Research shows that 91% of blacks, 93% of Hispanics and 88% of whites report a religious affiliation. Even more startling is the number for attendance: 51% of Blacks, 48% of Hispanics and 43% of Whites attend weekly or more often.
Sixty four percent (64%) of blacks in the national sample were members of religious communities (churches) with 59% of whites and 43% of Hispanics. Participation in religious activities outside weekend services is also high with 47% blacks, 41% whites and 31% Hispanics saying they are in church during the week as well as on Sunday.
(Social Capital http://www.cfsv.org/communitysurvey/results6.html)
In a nation obsessed with racial and cultural diversity the facts about minorities and religious faith have been strangely absent from the dialogue. There is one astounding statistic about African American longevity and church attendance that is rarely if ever mentioned in the debates about faith based organizations and health care. An article by Hummer et al in Demography Journal, 36:273-285 in 1999, Blacks who attend church live much longer than those who do not.
Attendance------------White life expectancy---Black life expectancy
Never-----------------77 Years----------------67 = A 10 year difference
Less than or weekly---80 Years----------------75 = A 5 year difference
Weekly or more-------83 Years----------------80 = A 3 year difference
Whites who attend services more than weekly gain an average of six years in longevity but African Americans who attend services weekly or more gain a whopping 13 years in life expectancy. The difference in longevity is almost eclipsed by church attendance. In fact, attending church more often than weekly raises Blacks life expectancy to that of whites who attend weekly or less.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Great News!
Today is our anniversary. Karen and I married after a whirlwind courtship of six months on the Thanksgiving Holiday in 1961. I was 23 and she had just turned 21 when we went down the aisle of the First Baptist Church in Pinckneyville, Illinois.
I was a school teacher at the Ina Grade School where I had the 5Th and 6Th Grades and taught all the subjects while coaching all the sports and driving the school bus. My salary was, as best I remember, about $3,000.00 but I received another $100.00 per month for driving the bus.
We were in love and wanted to marry so Thanksgiving seemed like a good time because I was off for vacation from Thursday through Sunday. We chose November 21 because it gave us a couple of extra days for a honeymoon.
Time flies when you are very busy and involved in life and that has been true for us. Our two children and three grand kids have provided lots of joy and lots of worry. That is life.
Marriage is not easy, that is for sure. Some marriage and family therapists say it is the most daunting of all mergers. Taking two people who are radically different as humans and asking them to live together in a mutually up building manner is a great but invigorating challenge.
After almost half a century, Karen and I usually mirror each other's thoughts and values. But is was always so. It has taken many misunderstandings and many discussions and puzzling conversations, fights and times of forgiveness. And, most importantly, God has been the glue of our relationship.
Take a look at this article in The Wall Street Journal to see how important marriage is to all people. I am very blessed after 46 Thanksgivings as a husband to have a wife of my youth.
http://www.opinionjournal.com/federation/feature/?id=110010888
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Committed Couples and Poverty
Poverty is Real around the World
Last night at the monthly meeting of the Organizational Development Network of Cincinnati we heard two great guys from City Cure of Cincinnati talk about poverty. They mentioned that the city of Cincinnati has one of the highest percentages of persons living in poverty in the US. WOW!
When we think of poverty the first thing that comes to mind is a lack of money. That is only part of the problem. The definition offered by Barry Baker of City Cure was broader and more helpful. Chronic Poverty is a "Chronic lack of resources" such as finances, education, emotional balance, supportive relationships, spiritual support, etc. Without all of these resources finances will not last long.
Go to my Brave Heart Blog for the rest of this information.
The state and federal grants that led us to post this blog have ended and so I am placing the blog on hiatus. I will continue to write on Brave Heart and http://seasonedbelievers.blogspot.com
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Dr. Phil and Hope
My wife told me that the famous, and very wealthy, Dr. Phil had a couple on his TV show this week who was having some serious problems in their marriage. Phil, in his usual confident manner, said: "I can tell in just a few minutes of an interview whether there is any hope for a couple. "
Phil proceeded to tell the couple, and the entire world, that the signs of a hopeless marriage are simple: Personal attacks that include Criticism and Contempt.
Phil was partially correct, Criticism and Contempt along with acting like a stone wall and withdrawing into a cold shell, are usually of a divorce train a coming. However, Phil failed to mention that such marriages can be saved and healed if a couple will work hard in good faith.
He also forgot to mention that the signs of divorce he was quoting came from Dr. John Gottman's research. Gottman's materials are those we referenced in our June training in Clermont County, Ohio. That is the DVD we are giving away for the asking.
Why is Phil acting so hopeless? Why are so many secular therapists feeling so helpless about helping people in trouble? Now the American Psychological Association even says it is wrong to help a man or woman who wants to change his/her sexual compulsions.
Why are they feeling so helpless and hopeless when we know people can change? We know that counseling actually works in most cases. We see evidence of changed lives daily.
So, don't give up. If you are having conflict with someone you love, get a counselor, social worker or psychologist. You can also get our DVD and read our books. Don't give up!
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Free Video on DVD
We video taped the two presentations in June for Committed Couples and last week a friend, Karl Metzler, finished up his volunteer work of placing all nine sessions on DVDs. He did a terrific job by designing a beautiful package and placing the Power Point Slides on the last DVD.
These can be used for your own information about how to have a healthy relationship or put it in the DVD player and use it to teach a small group. If you are a church volunteer, small group leader, Pastor or educator you will find them very provocative and useful. Each session is about 20 to 25 minutes.
If you would like to have one write me at gsweeten@cinci.rr.com
These can be used for your own information about how to have a healthy relationship or put it in the DVD player and use it to teach a small group. If you are a church volunteer, small group leader, Pastor or educator you will find them very provocative and useful. Each session is about 20 to 25 minutes.
If you would like to have one write me at gsweeten@cinci.rr.com
Listen Up!
I did a doctorate in the Sixties and Seventies graduating in 1975. Even back then the leaders of the counseling professions like Carl Rogers were saying that listening well was the key to being a good or great counselor.
But that seemed unlikely because most of the books and classes I took emphasized how much I was supposed to know about the theories of psychology and human development.But, when researchers started doing what is called, "Outcome Studies" and discovered that Dr. Rogers and Dr. Carkhuff were right.
I became convinced that the ways we treat people are more important than what we know about people. As the old saying goes, "People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care." The outcome research made a lot of sense to me so I did a lot of reading and discovered that the key to good marriages, good parenting, good sales, good pastoral care, good management, good leadership and good living was also good listening and good caring.
Listening with love and understanding are not just for the pros. Everybody can grow and learn to relate better by learning the simple skills of listening. Why not order my book, Listening for Heaven's Sake from www.amazon.com
Just type in Gary Sweeten and see all the titles that come up. Buy one of the books and write me what you think. We have just published a version of Listening in Russia to join those published in Sweden, Norway and Denmark. All told we hav sold over 250,000 copies world wide.
But that seemed unlikely because most of the books and classes I took emphasized how much I was supposed to know about the theories of psychology and human development.But, when researchers started doing what is called, "Outcome Studies" and discovered that Dr. Rogers and Dr. Carkhuff were right.
I became convinced that the ways we treat people are more important than what we know about people. As the old saying goes, "People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care." The outcome research made a lot of sense to me so I did a lot of reading and discovered that the key to good marriages, good parenting, good sales, good pastoral care, good management, good leadership and good living was also good listening and good caring.
Listening with love and understanding are not just for the pros. Everybody can grow and learn to relate better by learning the simple skills of listening. Why not order my book, Listening for Heaven's Sake from www.amazon.com
Just type in Gary Sweeten and see all the titles that come up. Buy one of the books and write me what you think. We have just published a version of Listening in Russia to join those published in Sweden, Norway and Denmark. All told we hav sold over 250,000 copies world wide.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Social Skills for Children and Youth
The Future Welfare of the nation depends upon the education and welfare of our families and how they rear their children. The following article emphasizes that kids must learn realtional skills from their parents and the quality of those relationship skills will largely determine how well your kids do in life.
The depression and violence among young people concern us all. The pain of families whose children hurt themselves or others causes us deep pain. There are, of course, no instant experts and no instant answers on how to change the situation. However, we do know how children develop the interpersonal and social skills necessary for success in life and that will reduce their need to react inappropriately to disappointments.
The data on reducing children’s problems are clear. Research indicates that we should involve children in church, extra-curricular school activities with caring adults who listen. Structure, discipline, adult role models, hard work and good social skills are the foundation for a secure and happy life. Below we list the skills that are most important for children to know.
Beginning Social skills
1. Listening to other people
2. Preparing for a conversation-focusing on a topic
3. Starting a conversation
4. Carrying out an interactive conversation
5. Asking good questions
6. Saying, thank you
7. Self introduction
8. Introducing other people
9. Offering compliments to others
Advanced Social Skills
10. Asking why
11. Asking for help
12. Joining in with others
13. Giving instructions
14. Following instructions
15. Apologizing
16. Convincing others
Emotional Skills
17. Emotional self knowledge
18. Expressing feelings
19. Understanding others’ feelings
20. Putting self in the place of others
21. Dealing with others’ anger
22. Expressing affection
23. Dealing with fears
24. Rewarding self
Alternatives to aggression
25. Asking permission
26. Sharing with others
27. Helping others
28. Negotiation
29. Self-control
30. Standing up for personal rights
31. Saying no
32. Responding to teasing
33. Avoiding trouble with others
34. Keeping out of fights
Stress Skills
35. Expressing a complaint
36. Answering a complaint
37. Talking after a competition
38. Dealing with embarrassment
39. Dealing with being ignored
40. Resisting group pressure
41. Responding to failure
42. Dealing with false accusation
43. Planning Skills
44. Dealing with boredom
45. Suggesting something to do
46. Finding a problem’s cause
47. Setting a goal
48. Gathering information
49. Prioritizing problems
50. Making decisions
51. Concentrating on a task
Goldstein, A.P., Sherman, M., Gershaw, N.J., Sprafkin, R.P., and Glick. Training Aggressive Youth in Prosocial Behavior, Journal of Youth and Adolescence, Vol. 7, No. 1, 1973
The depression and violence among young people concern us all. The pain of families whose children hurt themselves or others causes us deep pain. There are, of course, no instant experts and no instant answers on how to change the situation. However, we do know how children develop the interpersonal and social skills necessary for success in life and that will reduce their need to react inappropriately to disappointments.
The data on reducing children’s problems are clear. Research indicates that we should involve children in church, extra-curricular school activities with caring adults who listen. Structure, discipline, adult role models, hard work and good social skills are the foundation for a secure and happy life. Below we list the skills that are most important for children to know.
Beginning Social skills
1. Listening to other people
2. Preparing for a conversation-focusing on a topic
3. Starting a conversation
4. Carrying out an interactive conversation
5. Asking good questions
6. Saying, thank you
7. Self introduction
8. Introducing other people
9. Offering compliments to others
Advanced Social Skills
10. Asking why
11. Asking for help
12. Joining in with others
13. Giving instructions
14. Following instructions
15. Apologizing
16. Convincing others
Emotional Skills
17. Emotional self knowledge
18. Expressing feelings
19. Understanding others’ feelings
20. Putting self in the place of others
21. Dealing with others’ anger
22. Expressing affection
23. Dealing with fears
24. Rewarding self
Alternatives to aggression
25. Asking permission
26. Sharing with others
27. Helping others
28. Negotiation
29. Self-control
30. Standing up for personal rights
31. Saying no
32. Responding to teasing
33. Avoiding trouble with others
34. Keeping out of fights
Stress Skills
35. Expressing a complaint
36. Answering a complaint
37. Talking after a competition
38. Dealing with embarrassment
39. Dealing with being ignored
40. Resisting group pressure
41. Responding to failure
42. Dealing with false accusation
43. Planning Skills
44. Dealing with boredom
45. Suggesting something to do
46. Finding a problem’s cause
47. Setting a goal
48. Gathering information
49. Prioritizing problems
50. Making decisions
51. Concentrating on a task
Goldstein, A.P., Sherman, M., Gershaw, N.J., Sprafkin, R.P., and Glick. Training Aggressive Youth in Prosocial Behavior, Journal of Youth and Adolescence, Vol. 7, No. 1, 1973
Americans Agree: Kids Are Not Being Prepared for Life
Barna Report from October 26, 2004
(Ventura, CA) - The presidential election season has brought to light numerous issues on which the nation’s population is divided. According to a new survey from The Barna Group, however, there is one issue on which most adults agree: the nation’s children are not being adequately prepared for life.
Based on interviews with more than 1000 adults nationwide, the survey discovered that less than one out of every five adults believes that children under the age of 13 are being “superbly” or “pretty well” prepared for life emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually or physically. Fewer than one out of every twenty adults believe that America’s youngsters are receiving above average preparation in all five of those areas of life.
Moral and Spiritual Development Lags the Most
Adults were asked to evaluate how well children under the age of 13 are being prepared for life in each of five dimensions. Using a scale that ranged from “superbly” to “poorly,” half or more of all adults contended that children are “not being prepared well enough” or are “poorly prepared” for the life that awaits them in relation to each of the five dimensions tested.
Adults feel most confident in the intellectual preparation that children receive these days. However, just 18% said kids are prepared “superbly” or “pretty well” in the intellectual dimension. In comparison, half of all adults said kids are “not prepared well enough” or are “poorly prepared” intellectually to effectively grapple with life.
Physical development generated a similar response pattern. One-sixth of adults (16%) felt that children were being superbly or pretty well prepared physically, while a slight majority (54%) felt they were not being prepared well enough or were being poorly prepared physically.
Adults indicated that children are faring somewhat worse in the area of emotional preparation: only 12% gave positive ratings compared 62% offering a negative assessment.
The lowest ratings, however, were reserved for the moral and spiritual preparation of children. Only 8% of adults said kids get better-than-adequate preparation in the spiritual realm, while more than 7-out-of-10 adults (71%) said children get inadequate spiritual training. Similarly, 8% said kids get above average moral preparation while three-fourths said youngsters get inadequate moral preparation.
(Ventura, CA) - The presidential election season has brought to light numerous issues on which the nation’s population is divided. According to a new survey from The Barna Group, however, there is one issue on which most adults agree: the nation’s children are not being adequately prepared for life.
Based on interviews with more than 1000 adults nationwide, the survey discovered that less than one out of every five adults believes that children under the age of 13 are being “superbly” or “pretty well” prepared for life emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually or physically. Fewer than one out of every twenty adults believe that America’s youngsters are receiving above average preparation in all five of those areas of life.
Moral and Spiritual Development Lags the Most
Adults were asked to evaluate how well children under the age of 13 are being prepared for life in each of five dimensions. Using a scale that ranged from “superbly” to “poorly,” half or more of all adults contended that children are “not being prepared well enough” or are “poorly prepared” for the life that awaits them in relation to each of the five dimensions tested.
Adults feel most confident in the intellectual preparation that children receive these days. However, just 18% said kids are prepared “superbly” or “pretty well” in the intellectual dimension. In comparison, half of all adults said kids are “not prepared well enough” or are “poorly prepared” intellectually to effectively grapple with life.
Physical development generated a similar response pattern. One-sixth of adults (16%) felt that children were being superbly or pretty well prepared physically, while a slight majority (54%) felt they were not being prepared well enough or were being poorly prepared physically.
Adults indicated that children are faring somewhat worse in the area of emotional preparation: only 12% gave positive ratings compared 62% offering a negative assessment.
The lowest ratings, however, were reserved for the moral and spiritual preparation of children. Only 8% of adults said kids get better-than-adequate preparation in the spiritual realm, while more than 7-out-of-10 adults (71%) said children get inadequate spiritual training. Similarly, 8% said kids get above average moral preparation while three-fourths said youngsters get inadequate moral preparation.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Reunion
In June we sponsored workshops on consecutive Saturdays to train mature couples how to reach out and help other couples and families. We were sponsored by grants from both the Federal Government and the State of Ohio through Beech Acres Center.
Before the month of September is over we are going to have a dynamic reunion for all the original attendees. We will answer questions, find out what the trainees have been doing or are planning to do to support committed couples and happy families.
Stay tuned for the exact day, date and time as well as the place.
Before the month of September is over we are going to have a dynamic reunion for all the original attendees. We will answer questions, find out what the trainees have been doing or are planning to do to support committed couples and happy families.
Stay tuned for the exact day, date and time as well as the place.
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